Why Coaching?
Who do you want to BE when you grow up?
As adults, we often like to ask the young girls in our lives, “what do you want to DO when you grow up”? Or, “what do you want to study in school”? These questions provide an opportunity to connect with and better understand the wonderful little humans we care about. And of course, what you do with your time (work/study) is important and forms a large part of whether we live meaningful adult lives. But the more important question that we need to be asking our girls instead is, “who do you want to BE when you grow up?” and equally as important, “who are you NOW?”
Why do we so often focus on career-based questions to learn about the young adults in our lives? Perhaps we avoid the deeper indentity-based questions as we assume they don’t know who they are yet. Surely these are things we figure out as adults? Whatever the reason, these are important questions that open the door to early self-discovery and awareness.
A girl’s self confidence peaks at age 9
Age 9!? What happens from there? Our girls slowly begin to absorb the societal messaging around them that tells them they aren’t enough - not smart, pretty, thin enough. That they should play small and focus on being kind, humble and likeable. At the same time they are receiving messages that they can “do anything they put their mind to” and they need to “be confident”.
These conflicting messages can result in pressure to perform, internal self doubt and a strong desire to likeable and accepted. By the time they enter highschool, young females report struggling with perfectionism, avoidance, people pleasing and a general lack of motivation and fulfillment.
We need to EnCOURAGE EARLIER SELF-REFLECTION
As the young females in our lives approach significant times of transition and are presented with decision points and opportunities to choose the path of their lived experience, these questions take on even greater importance. By inquiring about the ATTRIBUTES they value, rather than the ACTIONS or MILESTONES they need to reach, we allow young women to gain back some of the confidence they lost through their adolescent experience. They can discover what makes them unique, what kind of person they desire to be and what they value. This process of self discovery is foundational to thriving rather than simpy surviving in a society that places so much pressure on its women and girls.
I did not do much, if any, self-reflection work when I was in highschool, university, or post-graduate studies. It wasn’t until I was burnt out by constantly seeking achievement, and was ready, by necessity, to do some self-exploration, that I invested the time in better understanding who I was and what I really wanted out of my life. I would say I started this process about 15 years too late!
HOW COACHING CAN HELP
As a youth leadership and resilience coach focused on the female experience, I am passionate about asking young women questions and beginning the lifelong process of self-discovery EARLIER. This process is powerful and can be life changing. It can move girls away from the path of discontent, anxiety and feelings of overwhelm, towards life experiences that feel aligned and exciting.
Through my training as a certified coach for teens and my experiences coaching, mentoring and volunteering my time working with young females during my 20s and 30s, I understand that girls today need a safe place to simply express themselves. They need a place to talk. To share what is causing them stress, to share their dreams and goals, and to create a plan to get there. As a coach, my role is to listen, encourage and support. To be a guide, to provide tools for self-discovery, and to help them tackle obstacles in their way. Coaching can be a beautiful tool to help the girls in our lives THRIVE.